Life is a series of decisions, some trivial, some monumental, each leading us down a unique path forward. In the labyrinth of choices that life presents us with, we often find ourselves at crossroads, pondering over the ‘right’ decision. Dr. Ellen Langer, a renowned social psychologist, offers a refreshing perspective on this universal dilemma. She suggests, “Instead of making the right decision, make the right decision right.” This profound statement encapsulates a truth about decision-making and the subsequent feelings of regret that often follow.
In our daily lives, we make countless decisions, ranging from choosing to eat an orange or an apple to deciding whether to take a certain job offer or not. While the former seems inconsequential, nobody is really going to care after all, the latter feels like a life-altering choice. Dr. Langer, however, argues that this distinction is largely illusory. Whether it’s deciding what to eat or whether it’s about taking that job offer or even getting married, the process is essentially the same – we can only live one life, and there’s no magical way to compare different life paths.
For instance, if you decide to study subject A over B and find it terrible, you might wish you had chosen B. But there’s no way of telling if B would have been better, worse, or the same. This uncertainty, this inability to compare outcomes across different life paths, leads to a sense of regret. We often find ourselves caught in the trap of ‘what if I had?’, presuming that the choice we didn’t take would have been better and ruminating on that idea.
Regret is a complex emotion, sometimes serving as a moral compass guiding us to better behaviour but most often rooted in our assumptions rather than facts. It’s a feeling that arises from the belief that our present could have been better if we had made different decisions in the past. However, Dr. Langer argues that this belief is fundamentally flawed, making regret a “mindless emotion”. We cannot predict the outcome of our decisions with absolute certainty. Therefore, regretting a decision based on its outcome is irrational.
While we can’t avoid making decisions, we can control how we react to them. Regret can be a stepping stone instead of an obstacle. By making the decision right, we can lead a life with less regret and more happiness. As Dr. Langer wisely puts it, “Regret is so mindless, because the choice you didn’t take is presumed to have been better.” So, let’s make our choices mindfully and live life to the fullest.
